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Gunpower61 |
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Belgium |
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| Posted: Friday, January 13, 2017 at
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Lol, good one Peter, thanks for sharing :)
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Peter2005 |
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Wales |
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| Joined: 2/3/2005 |
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B-Day: 10/29/1939 (84) |
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| Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 at
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1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
5. Variation Law
If you change queues (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
6. Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
7. Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
8. Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
9. Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10. Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
11. The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
12. Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
13. Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
14. Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
15. Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
16. Law of Public Speaking
-- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
18. Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick. |
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Peter
Swansea. UK.
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Gunpower61 |
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Belgium |
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| Joined: 12/9/2004 |
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B-Day: 4/30/1961 (62) |
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| Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 at
11:39:25 AM |
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| Nice one Peter, thanks for sharing :) |
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Peter2005 |
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Wales |
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B-Day: 10/29/1939 (84) |
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| Posted: Saturday, March 11, 2017 at
5:44:14 AM |
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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown Ostrich behind him. The
waitress asks them for Their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries And a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the Order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man Reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact Change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come Again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries And a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and Pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
"The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato And a salad," says the man. "Same," says the Ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order And says, "That will be $32.62." Once again The man pulls the exact change out of his pocket And places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any Longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to Always come up with the exact change in your Pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was Cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me Two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had To pay for anything, I would just put my hand In my pocket and the right amount of money Would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people Would ask for a Million Dollars or something, But you'll always be as rich as you want for as Long as you live!"
"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
Says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second Wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long Legs who agrees with everything I say.."
WELL HELLO! |
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Peter
Swansea. UK.
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Gunpower61 |
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Belgium |
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B-Day: 4/30/1961 (62) |
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| Posted: Saturday, March 11, 2017 at
9:32:15 AM |
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| Loool, another great one, thanks for sharing Peter :) |
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Peter2005 |
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Wales |
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B-Day: 10/29/1939 (84) |
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| Posted: Friday, April 21, 2017 at
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One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass ?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.
They are over there eating grass under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the second poor man he stated,
"You may come with us, also."
The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said,
"But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
Come on . . .did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story?
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Peter
Swansea. UK.
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Gunpower61 |
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Belgium |
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B-Day: 4/30/1961 (62) |
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| Posted: Friday, April 21, 2017 at
12:08:43 PM |
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| Great one Peter, thanks for sharing :) |
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Peter2005 |
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Wales |
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B-Day: 10/29/1939 (84) |
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| Posted: Thursday, May 11, 2017 at
9:01:17 AM |
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One day, Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead!
Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate. Since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier.
So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest.
The sex was good but all the dove would say is .......... 'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'
Well this so got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.
He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest.
Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is........ 'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!' So out with the loon.
Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest. This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was.....
NO, The duck didn't say THAT!
... Don't be SO dissgusting!
The duck said, "I am a DRAKE,
You made MITHTAKE!!" |
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Peter
Swansea. UK.
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Gunpower61 |
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Belgium |
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B-Day: 4/30/1961 (62) |
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| Posted: Thursday, May 11, 2017 at
12:08:40 PM |
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Lol, another great one Peter, thanks for sharing :)
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Peter2005 |
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Wales |
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| Joined: 2/3/2005 |
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B-Day: 10/29/1939 (84) |
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Posts: 92 |
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| Posted: Wednesday, May 31, 2017 at
8:01:02 AM |
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Subject: Walking on grass
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag?"
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
This level of sensitivity just can't be taught.
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Peter
Swansea. UK.
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Gunpower61 |
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Belgium |
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| Joined: 12/9/2004 |
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B-Day: 4/30/1961 (62) |
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| Posted: Wednesday, May 31, 2017 at
8:42:28 AM |
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| Nice one Peter, thanks for sharing :) |
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GezzerMax |
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Ireland |
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| Posted: Friday, October 13, 2017 at
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| Old pc golfer gamer sits down for a game of tiger woods golf 08 , family just bought him a new pc afterall he looked after them kids in their younger years, whats this golf game ? Wheres my tiger woods he says, look grandad tiger woods golf was never a golf sim it was an arcade game of golf .This is the new golf sim/game its called JNPG ohh really i never played golf in real life and i was top of the leaderboards on TW08 .Exactly |
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Gunpower61 |
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Belgium |
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| Joined: 12/9/2004 |
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B-Day: 4/30/1961 (62) |
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| Posted: Saturday, October 14, 2017 at
2:05:13 AM |
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lol, i think i am one of the old guys.
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mardybear |
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| Joined: 10/21/2012 |
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| Posted: Sunday, February 25, 2018 at
2:53:43 AM |
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Gunpower61 |
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Belgium |
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| Joined: 12/9/2004 |
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B-Day: 4/30/1961 (62) |
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| Posted: Sunday, February 25, 2018 at
7:16:53 AM |
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| Nice one Mardybear, thanks for sharing :) |
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jabbs0817 |
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United States of America |
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B-Day: 8/17/1969 (54) |
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| Posted: Sunday, February 25, 2018 at
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did you hear about the deaf couple who had sex?
answer- how could you hear them, they were deaf |
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mardybear |
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| Posted: Monday, February 26, 2018 at
1:56:39 AM |
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mardybear |
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| Posted: Monday, February 26, 2018 at
1:58:45 AM |
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Gunpower61 |
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B-Day: 4/30/1961 (62) |
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| Posted: Tuesday, February 27, 2018 at
12:18:44 PM |
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| Thanks Jabbs ( Bill ) and Mardybear, good ones :) |
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mardybear |
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| Posted: Thursday, March 1, 2018 at
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Stumbled across yet another golf comic...
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